More Mediation
FAQ
What is divorce mediation?
Who are mediators?
How mediation can help
Now does mediation work?
Now much does mediation cost?
Does mediation work?
What is the difference between mediation and arbitration?
What
is divorce mediation?
Until the last 10 years or so, just about the only course for divorcing
couples was to hire lawyers to do battle for them. Often the spouses would not
even speak with each other, “communicating” only through their attorneys.
And attorneys proliferated. The addition of “no fault” to divorce laws
has given rise to an emerging alternative
for divorcing couples: mediation. Mediation is the process
in which the divorcing couple works out its problems, disagreements,
and marital issues
with
a trained, impartial third party—the mediator. The mediator assists the
couple in resolving its differences in a constructive way to reach a
“win-win” decision rather than the adversative “winlose” situation.
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Who
are mediators?
The mediator may be a marriage counselor, social worker, psychologist, or
lawyer trained in family and divorce mediation. At present, mediation is still
open turf for any of the above professions to claim. Maryland does not have
any licensing requirements for mediators. At any rate, the mediator should
have received formal training from a recognized program or institute, such as
the Academy of Family Mediators. They should be versed in family budgeting,
the law, tax consequences of divorce, and a variety of options and
alternatives crucial to contemplating divorce.
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How
the Mediator Can Help.
The major differences between mediators and lawyers are that the mediator
assists you and your spouse in working out your disagreements together;
emphasizes the restructuring of the family from a practical point of view, in
addition to the legal side; pays more attention to your emotional needs; and,
is impartial, representing neither you nor your spouse, but both. Unlike the
legal adversarial system, mediation is more sensitive to the integrity of the
marriage. It tries to build on the strengths of the relationship, avoiding the
“we’ll get him/her” so common with the adversarial position.
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How
does mediation work?
As
one mediator described the process, “Mediation is neither therapy, nor the
law—it’s an educational process.” Usually, the couple attends an
orientation session in which the mediator thoroughly explains the process of
mediation such as what the couple should focus on, how they should
speak to each other (keep raised voices down), and so on. The
session may last for two hours.
After
the initial session, the couple attends three to eight one-and-a-half- to
two-hour sessions in which the mediator will guide them to make their own
decisions on how they wish to end their marriage.
They analyze their budgets and needs, divide marital property, review their
children’s needs, and reorganize their family and life-style to fit its new
structure. Mediators place special emphasis on providing an acceptable
form of
continuity where children are concerned and may even include children in
the sessions if warranted.
The
process allows the parties to analyze their situations and to understand each
other’s needs as well as those of the children. It may alleviate the anger
and bitterness that the couples initially may feel toward each other. It also makes the couple realize that
although they may not be husband and wife, they are still
parents. It encourages their cooperation with each other in determining their
relationship with their children.
Once
the couple decides on what they wish to do, the mediator draws up a memorandum
of understanding
that specifies what issues have been resolved. This statement
is then given to the couple’s
respective attorneys, who will draw up a formal separation agreement based on
the statement. Please note that many mediators
are not lawyers and, therefore, may not consider all that should be
necessary for a good separation agreement.
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How
much does Mediation cost?
The
cost of mediation varies from $100 to as much as $250 a session. (Attorneys
who are mediators usually charge more than non-attorneys). It usually
is requested that both parties contribute
to the costs, eliminating any possible feelings that the one who pays may
be getting preferred treatment. Sessions also
may be held with co-mediators, a lawyer and a social
worker, for example.
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Does
Mediation Work?
Statistics show that court-ordered child support and alimony payments tend to
lag after two years and tend to be ignored entirely after five years.
Experience so far has shown that people tend to abide by agreements reached
through mediation.
